I Never Have the Answers to the Important Questions

Listening: Everglow - Mae

Here's a night, and it shines
And it calls us on and on
So be here by my side, and watch the stars;
They're ours.
Make a wish, or just take charge
The moment comes; get lost, and go far.

I think that we've got what it takes
To get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way;
Whoa, whoa,
And our hearts are on The Everglow
So just let go,
And fall into it.

I live my life like that song from that musical. You know the one. Wicked, yeah. You know the words. Of course you do. "Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters; it's just life, so keep dancing through. Dancing through life, mindless and careless, make sure you're where less trouble is rife. Woes are fleeting, blows are glancing, when you're dancing through life". Now and again, though, something comes up that makes me remember that I'm not an emotionless robot that can laugh off anything that happens to me.

My puppy is sick. Anyone who has a pet which they are overly fond of will understand how stressed out I am about this. I've been watching for days as she's refused to eat (unless one of the family physically feeds her, by hand) and as she grows gradually more lethargic and mopey. It's gotten to the point where she won't even get up to see when someone comes to the door. All she does is lie on my bed and just... be.

She's going in to the vet tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified. I know it's too soon to be getting ahead of myself, and I'm probably overreacting, but I'm paranoid that whatever is going on is really serious. I've been scouring articles on canine health lately, hunting down suggestions for her symptoms, and they all entail taking her to the vet immediately. My heart squeezes at the very thought of her having a terminal illness of some kind. I want her to be happy and bouncy and fluffy like she was only last week. I hate this. I hate having to wait til tomorrow to have her seen to. And I hate that I'm absolutely helpless in the meantime.

Mom has been speculating all week that maybe she ate some sort of woodchips or something that we (apparently) had kicking around the floor somewhere, and I hadn't given the idea much merit--my dog stopped eating strange things after she got stung in the mouth by a hornet she tried to swallow when she was a puppy--until tonight. Browsing through message boards, I stumbled across a post where a woman described a golden retriever with the exact symptoms that my mutt has. Apparently, the dog swallowed a rubber Kong toy. Whole.

I'm scared to death that something is very, very wrong with her, and that it will be too late to do anything for her when we bring her to the vet tomorrow night. Both my parents have expressed their concern that maybe something is seriously wrong with her, and their comments have done nothing to alleviate my concern. Obviously. All I can do until 6:00 tomorrow night is let her sleep, I suppose, and keep trying to feed her a little bit of food at a time. And wrestle with my ever-growing internal panic.

I'm too emotionally drained right now to give any further updates on the life of Julia. Y'all will have to wait until tomorrow or possibly Thursday, when I can ascertain whether or not my puppy is okay.

Icarus has no sassy comments today.