Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth...

Listening: I Know You Are But What Am I? - Mogwai

So I came back to the Arts building from seeing Cole off today in the Science quad only to discover that I was ten minutes late for Ben's Anthropology class, which I have a tendancy to sit in on. No matter, I decided--I would simply wait outside and doodle until he emerged, since I wasn't getting picked up til 5 anyway. At around twenty to, I noticed a familiar figure lurking around the Anthro doors. Lo, t'was Kelilah! Deciding to hang with my beloved panda, I packed everything up and scampered across the Atrium to join her.

Ben beat me to it. By the time I reached the two of them, they were engaged in an intense game of tonsil hockey, and Kelilah's goalie needed practise. So what do I do? I plunge right in without warning. Because that's what I do. I cause mischief. I'm good at it.

So here I was trying to have a normal conversation with Ben, and in the meantime, Kelilah is attempting to discover the colour of my panties. I was all, "So my mom's out of town and GODDAMMIT KELILAH NO, GET OUT OF THAT." Except it didn't come out like that at all, it came out more like a cross between a nasally "NUUUUUU" and a squeal of protest. Ben, of course, thought this was the best thing since television. He decided he wanted this sound on his computer to accompany the Error message. So what does he do? He says, "Okay, you two are coming over to my house and I am recording that sound. Kelilah, I'm going to need you to keep bothering her so I can get that sound."

Dumb Ben. Of course Kelilah thinks this is a wonderful plan. So wonderful that she wants to get a headstart on it immediately. She continues to poke me, which I respond to by sticking my tongue out at her. Her response? She comes towards me like she's going to lick me.

I fled.

I ran blindly in circles around the Atrium. Several times I attempted to hide behind Ben, which sure as hell did not work. Eventually I fled into an abandoned lecture room. Clearly I have no survival instinct, because where was the first place I went? A corner. Yeah I know shut up. So, of course, Kelilah found me. And then she descended on me like a goddamn panther. When I say that, I mean it literally. She just sort of... panda-body-slammed me right to the ground. By the time she got off me, Ben was in the door laughing at me, and I was curled in the fetal position, babbling indiscernably with my hands clutched over my head.

Eventually I got up, scrambling to escape from the classroom. Kelilah, who saw me coming, of course, because she's a spook like that, decided that it would be goddamn hilarious to try everything again. Once again I sought refuge behind Ben. Bad plan. What does he do? He tickles me. From back-on. I didn't even know it was possible. My God that was horrible. I threw myself away from him as hard as I could and landed on one of the benches in the Atrium. Ben stopped, laughing hysterically and rendered momentarily immobile. Not so with Kelilah. She attacked me for one last shot.

In my effort to escape, I wound up halfway underneath the bench, hyperventilating and squealing while Kelilah went for my exposed derriere. Rather than give her the satisfaction, I scooted the rest of the way under the bench, curled in the fetal position again. Kelilah, undaunted, declared, "You'll never escape us, Jules!"

Ben demurred. "Actually I think she's doing a pretty good job."

When Kelilah's friend Danielle turned up, I hadn't moved. Kelilah had decided that this was all hilarious. "Hey, Danielle!" she shouted clear across the Atrium. "You get ten points if you guess where Julia is!"

My life is a folly. In the best and most loving possible way.

Icarus is drunk on Panda Mystery.